A fascinating title–or shopping list? Terry Barca (@terrybarca1) has some great visual images to capture readers in this romantic suspense story…
It’s the middle of Winter and there’s a gun in my handbag.
Actually there is a lot of stuff in there but mostly it’s the usual things that a woman carries, until you get to the envelope stuffed with money and the small calibre hand gun.
The envelope is a pretty shade of light blue and it came from a stationary set that I bought in a little shop in an arcade in Toorak.
I’d been visiting a friend who had made herself invisible in the previous few months.
I didn’t think too much about it, I was just trying to do better in the ‘friends’ department.
I’m a bit slack when it comes to friends so I was trying to make an effort. After several tries she eventually decided to meet me for lunch.
She was very bad company; obviously depressed and just barely able to put on a glad-face. It was painful but we got through it and we bought each other a writing set. I knew she liked to write letters so I thought it would be a fun way for us to keep in touch.
I never received a letter from her and a few weeks after our lunch she arranged for her son to come to her apartment on a certain day. When he arrived he found a note, written on the writing paper I had bought for her, a copy of her life insurance policy and her body, all neatly laid out.
She’d had enough.
Her affairs were in order and she simply, left us; almost as quietly as she had lived.
Her son was evasive about the contents of the note. “Just a goodbye note. Saying how much she loved us, that sort of thing.”
But, there was more to it than that, and while I was still grieving the loss of my friend I received a visit from a certain acquaintance who had come into possession of some information and if i wanted to make sure that the information remained a secret I was to bring along a certain sum of money to a certain park at a certain time on a certain afternoon. I’m on my way now.
It’s cold, but I have my gloves to keep my hands warm with the added benefit of not leaving fingerprints and protecting my hands from gunshot residue.
Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t actually decided to kill the blackmailing bastard.
I may give him the money instead.
I haven’t decided.
I may flip a coin.
I may kill him if it rains, spare him if it’s fine.
I wonder if he knows that his life hangs on the outcome of a weather report?
He deserves to die for what he did to my friend but that’s not how the world works; people rarely get what they deserve.
First Page Feedback from Patience Bloom
Even though this doesn’t read like the usual romance, I found this very intriguing! I wanted to know more about this potentially murderous heroine. There was a voice that resonated—with her wanting to be a better friend, of wanting revenge, or showing a quiet kind of reverence for someone who is “invisible.” These pages are short, but they pack a punch. I would definitely keep reading.
Just keep aware of some typos–and here’s a hint. StationEry (with the E for envelope) is for writing, while stationary is remaining still. 🙂
5 replies on “First Page Feedback – Green Coat, Black Gloves, Red Handbag”
This opening reads like one of my favourite crime novels – love the first line. There’s so much to intrigue. She calls the blackmailer a “certain acquaintance” so she knows him? He has info on the friend which is why she took her life? The narrator has no compunction about killing – is she a cop? FBI? The son is evasive – is he involved? I love crime novels especially if they contain a romance. I really, really want to read more of this!!
Well, now, that’s interesting. I’d read more, too! Great first page. You’ve hooked us all, apparently. 🙂
A little heavy with the “starting a sentence with a personal pronoun” thing, but a very intriguing opening.
Wonder when the romance is going to arrive?
Great bit of tension though. I love it.
I love this. So fresh and intriguing, with a great voice. Hope you’re entering it in SYTYCW – I can’t wait to read the rest.
Thank you very much to everyone who has taken the time to comment. Every author needs feedback [and a proofreader, it would seem!]. My heart sings that you enjoyed my 500 words. There is more and I would tell you what happens ….. but I wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise. I hope that the universe brings you all something elegant as a reward for brightening up my day.
Terry
Comments ( 7 )
I spent the entire shutdown working. Had no time to wind down. I didn’t see my son much when school shutdown. My one co worker was told to stay home for 3 weeks so I picked up her hours. This year has been really crappy.
Ugh, Janell. Here’s hoping the rest of your summer is better.
Thanks for the info, Carol! Everyone is different in how they deal with the shutdown! I stay at home all the time since I don’t work so I haven’t been too effected but my shopping and errands sure have been effected!
Valri, I’ve been doing most of my shopping online. My local Target is still low on some items – mostly cleaning supplies. Grocery store is pretty much back to normal. Most of the dining in our town is outdoor. I can’t imagine have school-age kids!
Wow–getting your creative process on track must have been daunting–especially with “extra-large dog” glad to have you home. You don’t like coffee–I love coffee and have enjoyed my fortifying 2 cups in the morning even more than usual! How as COVID affected your story lines and characterizations? Best Wishes for all releases!
Interesting question, Virginia. You’ll have to tell me if the tone of my “COVID” books changed any! LOL
Life has changed so much! My dad passed Feb 2. The assisted living facility my folks were at went into hardcore lockdown the beginning of March. Mom couldn’t leave her apartment for 4 months! She was on the third floor, Will be 89 in two months & doesn’t use the phone. My husband and I remodeled the lower level completely and moved her in with us July 1. What a life change and difficult transition for the 3 of us! But we’re working thru it!