Here’s another title aimed at Presents! Lexxi Callahan (@CallahanLexxie) has a dynamic opening!
Cassie watched the floral staff load giant flower arrangements and greenery back into their service vans. Some ferns were so large it took two men to lift them.
Her fingers touched her face. Shouldn’t she be crying?
Shouldn’t she be feeling something?
The marquee was lowered while undisturbed stacks of chairs and tables waited to be loaded. Several hundred chairs and brocade chair covers still in shrink wrap. Three hundred people had expected to sit in those chairs in just a few hours. What if they were already at the church? She didn’t know how she could face them. What should she even say?
Leo had changed his mind. He couldn’t go through with it. He didn’t want her after all.
“Cassie.”
She closed her eyes, willing the owner of that hateful voice to leave. He’d won. There was no reason for him to still be here. Other than to gloat. She heard him bark her name again but still didn’t turn away from the window. She didn’t know how to face him either.
Humiliation still sizzled over her skin. She crossed her arms and pretended not to hear the wisp of the tulle skirt that floated around her. The beautiful dress she’d put on early for photographs was something out of a fairy tale. She’d known better than believing in fairy tales. Happily Ever afters were for children.
The dress had to go.
Cassie clawed at the strapless bodice. The dress ripped, falling away, but when she stepped out, her knees gave way and she nearly drowned in tulle. Rough hands gripped her upper arms, lifting her free of the beautiful mess.
He ignored her protests, swung her up in his arms, then carried her right out of the guest room she’d been using in his home despite her struggles to get free of him.
“Stop.” The harshness of voice didn’t surprise her. Jake was never anything but rude to her.
“I hate you.” She choked out, not understanding why he held her even closer.
“Whatever gets you through today.” His voice gruff, probably to mask his arrogant triumph.
It took forever to get wherever they were going. Not that she cared where he was taking her. She just wanted away from that dress and all the smashed hopes and dreams still lingering in that borrowed guest suite. She heard lowered voices and turned her face into the hard male chest she was crushed against. How was she going to face anyone?
“They’ll all be gone soon,” he rumbled, laying her down on a silk covered bed. “Ten minutes and it’s all gone.”
“All those people.” Her eyes squeezed shut. “How could you?”
“It’s done.”
Then rough hands were in her hair, tugging out the hundreds of pins that made the intricate up do a real work of art. When her blonde hair spilled around her shoulders, those fingers swept down her cheek, shocking her eyes open, forcing her to face the man who had just destroyed her life.
And here’s the feedback from the Presents Team!
You’ve got a fantastically gripping set-up here and the reader is instantly thrown into the heart of the action. This is exactly the kind of thing we want to see from a first page! The reader instantly feels engaged and involved in the situation. There’s a real sense of drama and tension and our interest was piqued. What happened to make the wedding be called off? Why is it the hero’s fault? What’s going to happen next? We know we’re eager to see!
Thank you, Lexxie, for volunteering your story!
14 replies on “First Page Feedback – Cassie’s Story”
That was a work of art. Totally what is need and brilliantly written. Well done Lexxi. Love to find out what happens next.
Beautiful.
Wonderful opening! You’ve got me hooked.
This is awesome! Perfect example of how to hook a reader. This one’s definitely hooked.
Really want to know who these people are and how they came to be in this situation. So intriguing! Well done.
Very interesting indeed! Good job, Lexxi!
wow. Thanks everyone. That was totally unexpected.
Loved how this started. I’d certainly read on.
Go Lexxi, I just so want to know what happens next. I think you feed through just enough to keep us well and truly hooked. Well done.
Oh…nice…that is all I have to say about that.
Oh this is absolutely fabulous… I look forward to reading this in full someday soon!!! Well done!!
This was AMAZING Lexxie! “Whatever gets you through today”… Brilliant! Good luck with this!
What a powerful opening! I was so hooked, I forgot I was just reading the opening. Imagine my surprise when I got to the end and there was no more story. I really hope to see this one in print one day. Great job!
Great job – I definitely want to know what happens next!
Spot on! Keep me posted when you are finished as I want to read it!
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Comments ( 7 )
I spent the entire shutdown working. Had no time to wind down. I didn’t see my son much when school shutdown. My one co worker was told to stay home for 3 weeks so I picked up her hours. This year has been really crappy.
Ugh, Janell. Here’s hoping the rest of your summer is better.
Thanks for the info, Carol! Everyone is different in how they deal with the shutdown! I stay at home all the time since I don’t work so I haven’t been too effected but my shopping and errands sure have been effected!
Valri, I’ve been doing most of my shopping online. My local Target is still low on some items – mostly cleaning supplies. Grocery store is pretty much back to normal. Most of the dining in our town is outdoor. I can’t imagine have school-age kids!
Wow–getting your creative process on track must have been daunting–especially with “extra-large dog” glad to have you home. You don’t like coffee–I love coffee and have enjoyed my fortifying 2 cups in the morning even more than usual! How as COVID affected your story lines and characterizations? Best Wishes for all releases!
Interesting question, Virginia. You’ll have to tell me if the tone of my “COVID” books changed any! LOL
Life has changed so much! My dad passed Feb 2. The assisted living facility my folks were at went into hardcore lockdown the beginning of March. Mom couldn’t leave her apartment for 4 months! She was on the third floor, Will be 89 in two months & doesn’t use the phone. My husband and I remodeled the lower level completely and moved her in with us July 1. What a life change and difficult transition for the 3 of us! But we’re working thru it!